Ok, so last night I’m walking past Noodle’s room and I poked my head in to see if she was still chubby. (She was.) Out of the corner of my eye, I see this black dot move. Keep in mind, it was in the evening. There was hardly any light left. So, I walked further into her room and there is seriously the biggest spider I have seen since we moved form Georgia. (The ones in Georgia could kill squirrels, I’m sure, with no problems. Don’t even get me started on those nasty suckers.) So, being the good Mommy I am, I run into the bathroom and get the rinse cup from the tub and run back into the bedroom and try to slyly slip the cup over the big, honkin’ thing. I missed. And let’s just say when this thing moves, she moves. Holy crap I flew back so fast.

To say I don’t like spiders is a huge understatement. I understand that spiders are God’s creatures and that they serve a purpose in this world, but I’m almost positive that the Almighty was experimenting when He made them. He probably thought they were bizarre and weird (I mean, what would you create if you could?) But, being all powerful and compassionate and all that, I’m sure He let the spider live for the sake of His own divine conscience.

It’s all very Trek-y if you ask me. Like when Captain Picard got that one, lone Borg and taught it be independent with the intention of sending it back to the Collective to infect the others and destroy the Borg completely. And then he felt bad because it was interfering with the Prime Directive because he had essentially created new life and now he was contemplating destroying it. What? You didn’t make that connection? Is my nerd showing? Ok, sorry. So…where was I? ah…

Ok, so the spider got away from me and ran behind Noodle’s dresser. So, I hatched a plan. I pulled out the changing table and the dresser to find Spidey in the corner. I didn’t want him to run back under the dresser and towards Noodle, so I took some books off the shelf and lined then up along the bottom of the dresser. The only way to get out of there was through me. I got my trusty rinse cup and place it just above his head and then I dropped it down.

BIG SIGH OF RELIEF

Ok, so now I had to find a way to get him out of there. And ya know, let’s just stop a second and think on how deep the Noodle sleeps. She stirred not once. Nothing. No twitching, so stirring. Nada. No clue as to the heroic efforts I was displaying to to save her little, chubby life from the big, bad spider. So, I grabbed a flashcard from the shelf and slipped it under the cup. I marched that nasty thing downstairs and triumphantly showed it to Colin who guffawed loudly and was surprised and proud that I hadn’t screamed like a little ninny the second I saw it. He said I was like a ninja. A ninja with board books and rinse cups. Hey, it’s still a ninja.

We sat around and looked at it and said “Holy crap.” many, many times. Then we tried to find a suitable object to display it’s scale (hence the Carmex).

Now I’m off to release it in the far side of the garden. As much as I hate it, I can’t kill it. I will just glare at it until I’m sufficiently satisfied.

K, so that’s it. That my excitement for the week. It’s amazing how far I can stretch a tale of my so-called heroics, huh? I mean, the spider’s not that big in real life. But for the future stories I will spin (pardon the pun), the spider will be the size of my hand and I will have caught it MacGyver-like with a needle and thread and a basketball hoop.

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